literature

The sun is gone and I've left this place

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Cojjinsecrets's avatar
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Literature Text

The sun is gone and I've left this place

The clouds clear away with harsh breaths and frantic flailing
Something masked and hidden, like a private display of insanity
Of weakness
Revealing tear streaks through the layers of dust dirt grime and blood
The things that now make up my worn face
Like a mask that fails to hide the disgust I wear behind my eyes as I stare coldly at your face
A constant reminder of who I am, and who I cannot be
Teasing and taunting me until I begin to shake
Then like an elixir coursing through my veins, it all drifts away
Transforming into violent screams and uncoordinated strikes of fury
Targets unknown, and insignificant
I am weak
I am lost
I am trying
So very hard, if just to understand why the world blankets itself in a shade of darkness
Too thick for me to penetrate
Too strong for me to hold, and too barren to grasp

I’m laying here in the middle of my mind
A feeble excuse for a human
Curled in a ball and dirty
Tears melting through the plateau of my thoughts like acid
Spelling out words I can’t seem to comprehend
Teasing me with spots of insanity, frozen in a moment so that I can decipher them
But writ in such a way that only those above me can see clearly
Like a sick joke I play on myself
Because it’s me, it’s all me
It has to be
These are the demons of my creation, and since I made them
I understand them better than anyone
Right?

Four years later, I’m standing here alone again
Trying to tell you that I Love You
With empty behind my voice and a distant look in my eyes
How could I feel, when all my nerves have been removed a hundred fold
By my own scalpel in dreams I write for myself
Like nightly therapy
For a purpose I've seemingly lost
Something special, something dark, something…. Something…  Something.

I've lost control again, Mom
And I’m sorry for this, but I just can’t maintain this face anymore
I’m breaking this shell down to dust again
I’m going to shed this world and embrace the shadows I seem to create
I’m jumping head first into the darkness now
I won’t hold my breath, with no lungs to breath
I won’t close my eyes; I've melted them to fluid that bleeds from the floor beneath my feet
I won’t sweat and I won’t cry, I've thrown away my fear and my hope
I’m not the person you raised
I’m no longer here and you can’t see that
This is my apology, as I step out this door and fade into the space between the suns light
It’s clear to me now, that I have no place here
So I’m gone, I’m off to forge my own throne
Somewhere atop this existence
Somewhere beyond your jaded eyes reach
Somewhere past the horizon you bind yourself too
Somewhere, other than here.
...
Four point
1- The Mirror
2- The me inside
3- She who holds my hand
4- She who holds Me
© 2013 - 2024 Cojjinsecrets
Comments1
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CaptainOzz's avatar
Your writing gets longer as mine gets shorter, good read old friend. 

Hope you're doing well.